


Never My Love

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-04-03
Updated: 2005-04-03
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:42:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin has to let Brian know... but how?





	Never My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

This is my first fan fic. Hope you all liked it. The song title is obviously, Never My love by Kathy Trocolli.

* * *

“Justin, if you don’t get your bubble butt in here right this minute, I’m gonna be fucking late for my appointment!” Brian hollered after downing the last of his guava juice. He has finally gotten an appointment with Barnyard Furniture. It took him three months, three fucking months to convince the elusive CEO of the big time furniture company to agree to listen to his presentation. How pathetic is that?

 

“Comin’ right up Mr. Kinneeey,” Justin purred with sultry seduction. “Sorry, I needed to make sure I have all my things so that I could go straight to PIFA when I finish my shift in the diner.” Picking up his overly stuffed bag and wallet from the breakfast island, he was instantly drawn toward his lover’s face and noticed that he has that ‘spaced-out’ look again.

 

“You ok, Bri?” Justin asked, his voice full of concern.

 

Brian nodded, mouth turned up into a half smile. “Yeah… yeah I’m fine. Dazzling!”

 

Justin walked toward where Brian was standing like a fucking effigy and wrapped his arms around the older man. “Of course, you are,” brushed his lips against Brian’s, “I never doubted that even for a minute.”

 

Brian’s been a little edgy lately. After the bout with Cancer, he has become more like a conundrum. He trusts Justin now more than ever, but, over no apparent reason, he recoils back into his shell. Many times Justin had chanced upon him awake in the middle of the night, standing by the loft’s window, staring at the vastness of the city. Twice he tried to approach him and offered solace, twice Brian chastised him. Brian doesn’t do pity ... abhors to be treated like an invalid. 

 

Justin dies a little every time the older man would turn him away. His heart breaks every time Brian would hold out his hand like a fucking traffic officer signaling for him not to cross the line. Justin feels helpless knowing that there is so much he can say and do to make things at least, a little … better. For Brian. For the man he loves more than anything in this world. For the one person he swears to protect and never leave again. He yearned to tell Brian that everything is gonna be alright ... that he will make sure everything is going to be alright. Oh God, if only Brian will let him.

 

But Justin knew he had to let his lover sort out and go through whatever he is experiencing right now. He knows, more than anything, that Brian needs HIS MOMENT. His moment to be on his own ... to decide when to let Justin in. Who is he to take that right away from Brian? Justin will NEVER deprive his friend, his lover, his partner of this power to decide for himself.

 

The ride to the diner seems longer today. Neither man utters a single word. Brian, trying to dissipate the aching silence, turned on the car stereo. ‘Thank God for this wonderful device’, Brian heaved a sigh … “Christ, what the fuck is wrong with these radio stations? What’s with all the prattle about how good the morning is. What I need is real fucking music in here,” Brian randomly pressing the buttons like a mad man.

 

“Quit it Brian, we’re not about to buy another stereo set, ok?” Justin cried and swatted Brian’s hand off the poor thing. “This baby’s brand new, save a li’l compassion”, stroking the car stereo like a kitten, “and besides, what do you know about music?” Justin said with a cocky smirk. 

 

Putting his hands up mocking desperation, “Ok, have it your way, Mr. Go Go Boy!” Brian surrendered and minded his driving. Traffic is unusually heavy today. ‘I will be dang lucky to reach Barnyard Furniture on time’, he mutters.

 

“Hey, I think I know this," Justin finally found its mark, ”I remember hearing this song played at my Aunt’s wedding years ago,” Justin turned up the volume a bit and closed his eyes, humming the intro to the song.

 

“Justin, at least let me have my caffeine shot before you plague me with crappy breeder’s song,” Brian cocked his brow and exhaled, feeling so defeated.

 

Justin didn’t budge, he slowly opened his eyes and turned his gaze unto Brian and smiled.

 

“What?” hissed Brian.

 

“Just listen…please,” Justin said softly, eyes pleading.

 

Brian felt a tug in his heart. This boy in front of him has done so much for him, unconditionally. Justin has never asked for so much. Never. Now, he is imploring ... actually begging him to just shut his mouth - and listen. Who is he not to give in? 

 

Both man fell silent. The music enveloping their whole being.

 

“You ask me if there’ll come a time when I grow tired of you … never my love … never my love.  
You wonder if this heart of mine will lose its desire for you… never my love ... never my love.  
What makes you think love will end when you know that my whole life depends … on you?  
You say you fear I’ll change my mind and i won’t require you… never my love, no never, never my love.  
How can you think love will end when I asked you to spend your whole life … with me?  
I’ll leave you never my love, oh believe me baby… i want you forever and ever, my love…."

 

The song ended just in time they reached Liberty Diner. Brian immediately spotted a parking space and turned off the engine. Again, there was silence.

 

“Well, that wasn’t too bad, was it?” Justin was the first to break the stillness and started gathering his things. “Geez, I hafta go, thanks for the ride. You better go, you’re running late. This account’s a biggie, right? Now, where the fuck is that folder?” Justin’s rambling now, fumbling, avoiding Brian’s gaze. “Deb’s gonna screw me if I get late again!” 

 

Leaning forward, Brian cupped the younger man’s chin and lift it so that he can look straight into those soft blue eyes. “Hey, hey..” he spoke so tenderly, “I hear the words,” he paused to clear the lump in his throat that’s starting to choke him, "I hear you." He paused to make sure he has Justin's full attention, "I want you to…I want you to know … I never doubted you … us, even for a minute.”

 

Justin pressed his forehead against Brian’s. They held each other a little longer. Not saying a thing. No words are required. Brian knew that he has Justin and Justin knew that he has Brian. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health – only, this part is better left unsaid if you don’t want Brian queening out at seven in the morning.


End file.
